“Just land a bottle on your girlfriend/boyfriend’s head when there is any form of disagreement between you two”.
Who gives this kind of advice?
And who takes this kind of advice either?
For this type of advice, there are options to what can be done with it.
Ignore it, don’t take it or just turn deaf ears or blind eyes to it. Whichever one of these you prefer, take!
Aside the severe pains (if the head isn’t damaged) and bruises to be nursed, I’m sure you’d agree with me that there are so much reparations that’ll be incurred, if anything contrary to these options are acted upon.
Emotional breakdown, psychological trauma, and mental shock, coupled with the shreds of heart-swollen disappointment.
Disappointments like this may be a not-so-common-kind, due to its gravity and the repercussion that follows suit.
For real, the iota of discouraging factors that are common in relationships these days may seem petty if compared to the bottle-breaking kinda scenario, but they obviously go a long way to serve as rages to wonderful relationships.
When I wrote Disappointment-filled Valentine, I hammered on a common and relatable issue faced in relationships, and I sought for responses on how it could be addressed. With the comments on it, and further researches made, I discovered that there are actions that could be taken on our own part in a way to resolve matters or generally place things on a lighter better note.
The good thing is, these things could be applied in different instances, both in relationships and friendships.
Before you read further, please note that it is not a surety that these things would automatically make your relationship work. But logically applying them have tendencies of assisting you on your side to make things better, and thus strengthen what you share with your significant other and/or friends.
They are:
Expressive Communication
Really, it’s very important that this one is pointed out first, as tucking in your feelings under your skirt, short, pant or whatever it is you wear is not always ideal, or inhaling chunks of stuffs into your nostrils will make you choke. Abeg, you gats breetttt, so no go by yourself restrict your airflow.
On a more serious note, learn to speak up when there is a need to. Being expressive has a way of offloading burdens and making us feel better. What if that thing you’re habouring isn’t what you think it is, but just a misunderstanding of intent? How would you know if you don’t talk about it?
Of course you wouldn’t, until you speak up.
I know that there are also times when being silent is the best way to handle the situation. In such case, it’s okay not to say anything, whereas in others, do the needful.
Please be aware that knowing when to speak up applies to the situation, the place and time. Also, know how best to express yourself in every situation.
Be Understanding
Being able to be heard and understood is something that we cannot control. It isn’t determined by you but by another person or people. Wanting to be understood without being understanding is ‘emotional fraud’. Therefore we must give out what we desire to get.
Understand that everyone is different. Understand that your interest may not always align. Understand that your paths may happen to be entirely different, so there’s a need to contribute towards making things work. And most importantly, be understanding when he/she speaks up.
In this, it’s also not out of place to set boundaries even in your ‘understanding’. Know when to say ‘No’, know when to disagree and know when you’re being taken for a fool.
So be aware of when to nod unarguably and when to maintain your stance.
Be understandable and patient.
Avoid Unnecessary Assumptions
What seems like it may not actually be it.
So many things are going on in our personal lives, but it’s easy to conclude that your path is more dreadful than that of another person.
Don’t be deceived by the laughing emojis, funny stickers and comical memes all around various social media platforms. Because the truth is that, almost everyone is trying to patch one thing or the other.
So irrespective of age, what his/her status seem like; it’s better not to judge.
No matter how close you are with that person, try not to be too expectant as to what he/she should do for you.
Remember that there are so much that could be going that you aren’t aware of.
Be Honest and Loyal
“Loyalty is not a question of what we say or do while they’re watching, but what we do even in the absence of the ones we claim we love”.
In whatever we do, let honesty be our watchword. I know it’s not anything close to ‘easy’, but let it be a deliberate step that we take. Even when we flop subconsciously, refuse to stay back down but get up and continue moving.
Even in the context of friendships, what we say in the absence of our friends matter a lot.
Let’s watch ourselves against every form of hypocrisy.
Please be guided.
Assist In the Way You Can
I’m sure that money may have flashed your mind the moment your eyes met the word “assist”.
But in as much as the area of ‘finance’ seems to be a major aspect where people need help, there are other ways we could really have the backs of our partner and friends. You can encourage them in their businesses by advertising their brand, referring customers/clients to them, patronizing them when you can.
If it’s in school, you can do this by encouraging them to study, sharing course materials with them (if you are in the same or similar fields), informing them about internship opportunities as well as in every other positive way you can.
Encouraging others also poses a positive effect on us. By doing that, we easily get more encouraged ourselves and optimistic.
Be a good friend yourself before you begin to gauge whether your friends are good friends or not.
Know When To Back Off
There are always extreme to things.
You can’t keep struggling to keep being friends with someone whose friendship have kept being of negative effect to you. Be it mentally, emotionally, physically, financially or in any other way.
Parasitic people perch in form of a partner or friends. They are there to suck the broad day light out of you without even offering you a cup of water to resuscitate.
So be watchful and know to keep trying and when to give up.
In all, always keep in mind that to maintain good a relationship/friendship, communicate expressively, be understanding, be honesty and loyal, assist in the way you can, and notwithstanding in all of these, know when to back off.
I’m sure there are other important ones that were left out. Feel free to include yours in the comment section below.
Gracias.
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