My Break Up Experience

I thought I had met the man of my dreams until I found out that Chuks had been cheating.

Knowing that another girl was in the picture was so heartbreaking, and having to discover that I was the ‘other girl’ in his life, tore parts of my heart into pieces. He loved her more, cared more about how she felt and had his future plans envisioned with her in it. Meaning, I’ve just always been fooled.

To think that all those soul-touching words like “you are my world” I got from him and deliberate actions that swayed me into believing that there wasn’t any room for another woman to get into the picture were all deceit, was enough to make me walk straight to the mirror and call the image I see, “a big fool”. It was that bad.

Every sort of negative emotion encrusted all through me for days, weeks, and months. Sadness sat right beside me, pain and anger overwhelmed my whole being, and confusion hung around like an accompanist as my brain cell organs couldn’t decode a thing, as it was constantly involved in variations of analysis about the whole issue. It was a shredful experience. Much more dreadful than the type that every typical person would say “I no even pray make e happen to my enemy”. It was really terrific. I actually saw myself as a dead person at some point. I never thought I would survive that phase.

My whole life tore apart as it wasn’t something I ever saw coming. I’ve always seen myself to be smart and super-sensitive, but for the matters regarding to Chuks’, the tracings on the wall were bleak and not even the handwritings did I recognize. Everyday, I would wake up checking around to see if I had finally woken up from the nightmare. But omo, all I kept getting were escapades of disappointments. Nothing was different from the previous day except for the difference in the object I felt tearing my heart.

Disappointment-filled Valentine

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“What else do I live for?” was the chorus that repeatedly played in my mind. Suicidal thoughts? I’m sure you would guess right, if you were asked to. Because on my head, I countlessly shook a bottle of sniper and poured contents of it in my mouth.

I’ve always known that life happens. In fact, that phrase was something I say to myself, to brace up whenever things don’t go my way and it works for me like magic. But for that Chuks’ thingy, that clinche seemed to be mere words as it didn’t appeal to anyway that I felt.

That phase of my life was total menace and a very though test of survival. Little did I know that it defined the true escapades of “life happens”. It was a thorough fight, and there was a conflict between staying alive and seeing no need to. I had to deliberately shove off the idea of screaming out loud from the rooftop just to draw the attention of everyone who cares to listen that I have been doomed by a so-called-lover.

My Ex and I

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Life wasn’t any fair. Because if not, why would I be deceived that long and nothing seemed like it that I got entrapped in something that catastrophic. Like, I don’t get. Why me? Who did I offend? How on earth did I get so deeply into that?
When not even once had I met with another man. Not at the time when I was with Chuks, Not before I met him.

And yes, Chuks was my first. My first love. Never have I thought I would fall that deeply for a man until he came my way. Unknowing to me, he was just one of those assholes cloaked in the suit and tie of a ‘brother-in-the-Lord’.

He disguised as a true believer. Someone who blasted in tongues and unraveled revelations from the word, and displayed actions that were in line with the scriptures. So I thought I had gotten a good catch. I felt that my nest was magnetic and irresistible to ‘the golden fish’, without having a flickering thought that it could be all façade. Truly, life is like an ocean, you really can’t predict how deep it is no matter how wide the breath is and how intense the flow is.

I was depressed and frustrated. I drank my tears to stupor.

But by the way, it’s all history now.

Here I am today. Right now, all I truly say is that, there is always sufficient grace to get through the storms and chaos of life. No matter what they are. We just have to be deliberate. Deliberate to let go of our past. Deliberate in embracing the willpower. Deliberate in pressing on. And deliberate to not only survive, but thrive regardless.

Loved, Saved and Redeemed

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After two years, looking back now and thinking about the sleepless nights, the pain, the anguish, and all the negatives I drowned in, in the name of love, I’m glad I didn’t give up on life itself, and I am sure that the universe is aligning to do me good. And guess what? it wasn’t any easy. Moving on wasn’t a decision I made once. I had to constantly remind myself that no matter how I feel, I’ve got more powers than I think. So you’ve got to choose to stand up again and again. And do that intentionally.

So just leave in the moment, worriless and push, irrespective of what the current circumstance may be. The pain won’t always be there.
Because certainly, you’ll be fine.

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Anulika Akpunonu

Anulika’s enthusiasm to contributing towards ensuring an informed society, pulls her pen to dance rhythmically. Her writing cuts across several niches and poses to be not just value-ladened, but also growth inspiring.

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