You Shouldn’t Be Mean To Yourself. Life is a Process!

“Growth is a process”. I know that. You know that. We all know that.

“Everything that desires to grow or be grown requires the virtues of patience and persistence”. This is also an excerpt that you may have read on the pages of inspirational books or heard from the speeches of contemporary motivational speakers.

But there seems to be a problem. And that is; sometimes the whole process thingy becomes so confusing and we may begin to wonder how focus we ought to be with our individual processes, in order to avoid every form of distraction.

So here’s a glimpse of what I call a neck-wracking process and how head-cracking I made it to be for me three weeks ago.

Firstly, I must confess that when I wrote ‘worrying spikes-up a problem, rather than fixing it‘, on the weekend preceding that week, I actually needed it myself, and I knew a number of persons did too.

That week began more like a regular one. But for that one, I made sure my to-do list was flashing at my face at almost every now and then. I needed to be very deliberate in getting things done, and to me, that was a very good way to be.

Everything began so pressuring as unforseen circumstances altered the whole plan of the first weekday (Monday), yet I refused to give in to restrategizing, because I had procrastinated so much and didn’t want to be left with the guilt of a procrastinator by the end of the week.

Time kept on moving clockwisely, and before I could even comport myself to exhale the stress telling on me, the day was already begining to wear it’s night cloth.

Though I’d done so much that day but telling someone that my day was fruitful would have made me feel like a liar. So I thought it wise not to think that way, let alone, say it.

I actually went to bed that night, swallowing spits of anger with my head aching terribly. And the next day being Tuesday wasn’t any better.

A part of me wanted to avoid that heart-panting pressure by reviewing that near-impossible-to-achieve to-do list I had written. But the other part wasn’t willing to, and was feeling so energized and very capable of smashing them all. In my mind, I thought I had reasoned so smartly when I got to the conclusion that I only needed to carryover what I ought to do the previous day to the present day and leave the rest as it was. Afterall, shebi they say “What the mind can conceive, it can achieve”.

So I got to work that day with the mind that I wouldn’t get involved in any uneccessary gist. So with a firm resolve, I tried as much as I could and ended up not having informal conversations with my colleagues (even though some were quite important). And here is the sad shocker: ‘I still couldn’t do anything worthy of being called ‘significant’ apart from my conventional duties at work. So what then happened to my spare time? Of course, I spent most of them thinking how to go about my jampacked schedule.

So I’ve got to leave this piece of advice: “you should always keep room for adjustment and give room flexibility when necessary”.

Along the line, as the week rolled by, some usual things happened, and most of them were obviously as a result of me undergoing the journey to self-loss. I became less tolerating and bagan to act so aggressive and easily provoked, coupled with an unexplainable sadness within, that was biting me cruelly. The sum of it all is that I was going through severe mental stress. I don’t intend to exaggerate, but I think I’d be right to say that I was depressed.

At that point, I needed nothing but shoulders, listening ears and soothing but sincere advice.

I needed to hear that I wasn’t left out. I needed to be sure I could still get back on track. I needed to know that my efforts still counted, and my plans could still be achievable.

I never thought constructive criticism was part of what I needed, but I got it anyway. And it came by the end of that week and it was actually from somebody whom my just-sprang-up aggressive attitude had poured heavily on. So what happened was, as I got the message, I got struck and began to ask myself some pertinent questions.

What really went wrong during the week?
What actually happened that made me refrain from being fair to myself?
Didn’t I make any progress in my personal life?
Didn’t anything good happen during the week?
What exactly is it the problem? Is it the job? circumstances? my attitude? or just my outlook of things?.
I needed to figure out where the problem was coming from.

By the time I was done asking myself those questions, I realized I had no reason to feel and act the way I had been.

Not that I shouldn’t have thought of ways that I could get better!
Not that I shouldn’t have checked what wasn’t right and pushed further to make right!
Not that I shouldn’t have made a deliberate effort to let go of procrastination and get things done!
Not that I shouldn’t have shenked away time-wasting frivolities!
Not that I was wrong to have bore in mind that what my mind can conceive, it can achieve.

Just that I shouldn’t have been that mean to myself and would have taken it easy me.

Yeah, I had wonderful intentions and all. But my approach wasn’t kind as it ended up downplaying my leap and leaving me unhappy.

So that is it. I had to learn to live and move without trying to think I can ‘unwrong’ the minstakes I have made.

So my dear,
You may have been sad. I mean so sad and really sad with the way things have turned out or are turning out to be.
You may be feeling so terrible because you procrastinate a lot and don’t even know what it feels like to smash a goal.

I just want let you know that as long as your mind is set to that dream and your arms are not folded, you’ll be definetely be fine. So what you need to do is to let go of the mistakes you’ve made and the times you feel you’ve wasted.

Stop being mean to yourself. Start from today. Stay Happy. Keep Pushing. And Enjoy the process.